I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
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some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
We have started to decorate penises.
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Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon