operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex