I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
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She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
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Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"