Texts From Last Night

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  (757): View more from Virginia

  Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.

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  (757): Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef. http://tfl.nu/i5oo
  Replies (2) Good night (533) Bad night (969)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo

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  (815): I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo http://tfl.nu/iz8u
  Replies (7) Good night (563) Bad night (3299)
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  (415): View more from California

  From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.

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  (415): From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle. http://tfl.nu/bjh3
  Replies (5) Good night (984) Bad night (2959)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  NEVER shave your cleavage hair.

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  (804): NEVER shave your cleavage hair. http://tfl.nu/pogh
  Replies (87) Good night (576) Bad night (9550)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.

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  (740): Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party. http://tfl.nu/kjr7
  Replies (6) Good night (3553) Bad night (1023)
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  (530): View more from California

  Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.

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  (530): Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed. http://tfl.nu/8sey
  Replies (12) Good night (891) Bad night (2948)
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  (714): View more from California

  My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin

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  (714): My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin http://tfl.nu/22om
  Replies (10) Good night (1905) Bad night (799)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  You dont lie about slip and slides

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  (502): You dont lie about slip and slides http://tfl.nu/1239
  Replies (9) Good night (1651) Bad night (444)
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  (940): View more from Texas

  Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.

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  (940): Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying. http://tfl.nu/q8jl
  Replies (9) Good night (376) Bad night (566)
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.

  (1-205): View more from Alabama

  Can I get that on a shirt

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  (205): No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her. (1-205): Can I get that on a shirt http://tfl.nu/a8yc
  Replies (5) Good night (1064) Bad night (267)
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  (915): View more from Texas

  God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.

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  (915): God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high. http://tfl.nu/a3ox
  Replies (4) Good night (990) Bad night (267)
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  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.

  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.

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  (580): She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand. (580): I'm worried because he hasn't removed it. http://tfl.nu/hp4o
  Replies (3) Good night (675) Bad night (219)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.

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  (303): as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking. http://tfl.nu/8b6a
  Replies (0) Good night (603) Bad night (218)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?

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  (814): If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right? http://tfl.nu/wp41
  Replies (3) Good night (398) Bad night (320)
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station

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  (802): Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station http://tfl.nu/2mxj
  Replies (10) Good night (551) Bad night (232)

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