I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
