pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN