16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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