he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Randomize
