So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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