And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Randomize
