i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
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