I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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