that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
