p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
