if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize