I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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