I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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