Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
