So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
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he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
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My lighter is stuck in my beard.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
did i just pee glitter
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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