I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
