shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
