did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
