I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Houston, we have a squirter
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Randomize
