Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
