i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
