no, he came in my armpit
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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