i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
