I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
