this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
