the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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