are you so shy because you have an std?
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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