your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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