I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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