Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
