Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
