I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
