i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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