Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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