she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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