im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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