Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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