If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
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