My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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