you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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