hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
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