batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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