I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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