Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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