So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
