He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Is Oprah even human
Randomize
