he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
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