I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
