glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
