im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
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