My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
