At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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