my sisters under your porch take her home
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
