no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
