I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
