Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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