Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Can you bring me the toilet please
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize