Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I checked into jail on foursquare
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
