Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
