She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
i think i just lost a toe
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
