dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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