the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
