That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
So many bounce houses so little time
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
