It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
