i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize