i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
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He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
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EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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