im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
