Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize