im drinking this country out of the recession.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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