So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
