the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
