I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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