Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
