We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
