if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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