You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
