hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
