well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
