Define "chronic" masturbator.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
