On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
