so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
