just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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